Something that I have always struggled with is confidence. I have never felt secure enough in my relationships, friendships, body or lifestyle. One of the most admirable traits I find in people is confidence, mainly because I envy their ability to be confident. How does it seemingly come so easily for them? Have they always been this confident? Or was it a skill they had to perfect? All of these questions are always occupying my brain, but never the arguably most important question: how can I be confident? I would like to share my ideas on how you can gain confidence.
Some would argue that confidence stems from your outward appearance. “Look good, feel good.” Some would argue that confidence stems from your inner self. As it relates to me, my lack of confidence stems from my inner-critic. I spend so much time worrying about how other people perceive me that I can never even acknowledge my own perception of myself. On your journey to gaining confidence, try to think less about what other people think of you. I struggle with this a lot. I shouldn’t care what my classmates think of me when I answer a question wrong in class. Or what my friends think of me when I laugh too hard at a joke. Or what the people in Target think of me when I trip over my own feet in the frozen pizza section. I am living my life for myself. You are living your life for yourself. Don’t let other people’s perception of you affect your perception of yourself.
Another thing you should commit to in your journey of gaining confidence would be to fake your confidence. This sounds counterintuitive to the purpose of this journey, I know. The saying “Fake it til’ you make it ” is so true in regards to confidence. Nobody knows if your confidence is real or not. This semester I am taking a class that I have to give public speeches in. Which is probably my least favorite thing in the world. Last week I had to give my first speech, and I told myself to fake my confidence in this speech. Even though I felt like I had no idea what I was talking about, and could feel the eyes of every classmate watching me give my speech; I faked my confidence. Before I knew it, I had finished my speech and actually felt confident about it afterwards. This authentic confidence that I felt after my speech happened because of the fake confidence I gave myself before the speech. Fake it til’ you make it.
If your confidence stems from your outward appearance, that can be good, but also dangerous. You should feel confident whether you have a brand new golden tan from Mexico, or you resemble Edward Cullen. You should feel confident when you have a zit on your forehead or chapped lips. You should feel just as confident when you’re wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt as you do when you wear a dress and heels. Try to practice consistency in your confidence. Don’t let your outward appearance affect your confidence. Your confidence should come from a multitude of things, not just how you look in the mirror today. Try and practice recognizing unconventional ways to feel confident. For example, today I feel confident because I went to all of my classes and I am writing a blog post to empower others. I also feel confident because I woke up early and had the time to do my makeup and put on an outfit I feel confident in. I don’t feel confident because of my makeup or outfit, I feel confident because of my effort and ability to do so.
Gaining confidence is so much easier said than done. But, with all skills, you must practice it to perfect it. Start small by totally faking it; remember that nobody really knows you are faking it! Over time it should feel more natural to you. Remember that you are not alone in your journey to gaining confidence. Even I am on my own journey here! Even though it may feel hard, you are capable of hard things!
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